Why Grief Still Shows Up

Five years after losing someone you love, especially a parent, it can be disconcerting to still feel teary, tired, or emotionally flat.

Many people assume grief has an expiry date, but it doesn’t.

For some, especially those who were carers, the feelings can linger and return in waves long after the funeral flowers have faded.

Caring changes how grief unfolds.

When you’ve spent years looking after someone, managing medications, appointments, and routines, their absence leaves a void in your heart as well as in the shape of your days.

That constant sense of purpose disappears overnight. So even years later, moments of stillness can reawaken that sense of loss.

This can be part of what’s known as prolonged or complicated grief when the sadness, fatigue, or emotional flatness persist over time. It doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong, but it does mean your system may still be adjusting to a life without the caregiving role that defined so much of your identity.

It can help to check in with yourself when those feelings return.

Ask:

– Am I giving myself time to rest, or am I pushing through fatigue?

– Have I marked this anniversary or milestone in some small, meaningful way?

– Do I need to talk to someone, a friend, counsellor, GP about how heavy this feels?

Grief often loops back around, especially around familiar dates, smells, or routines.

The important thing is not to judge it as regression. It’s the mind’s way of processing in layers, and each layer deserves attention.

Practical things that can help: gentle movement, journaling, reconnecting with something you used to enjoy before caregiving, or joining a support group where others understand the long tail of loss.

Professional grief therapy can also provide tools to help when emotions feel stuck.

Five years on, it’s normal to have hard days. It means you’re still human, still connected to what mattered deeply. Grief doesn’t end – it evolves, and learning how to live alongside it is part of the healing.

GreyMatter.Studio: supporting reflection, connection, and life after caring.